so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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