We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
