At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
