That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You can't just leave with hair like that
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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