i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
