if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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