i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
