everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
