You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
