they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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