Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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