Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
