WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
