Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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