I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You are the jesus of drinking
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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