The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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