So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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