Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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