I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
