Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
