if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize