Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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