Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
