I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
