i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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