i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
