You're earring is so big in my mouth
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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