yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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