Your tits are I can't wait for
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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