I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize