let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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