sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
