We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize