Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
My dick has a subreddit
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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