It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
