i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
3 2 1 whiskey
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
