So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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