I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
