Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
