good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
