We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
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