Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
