thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Ketchup is God's man juice
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
