my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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