She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
