she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
