I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm like, not good at living.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
