I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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