I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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