Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I faked an abortion last night.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
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