All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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