even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
