We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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