im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
