Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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