He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
