Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
