Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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