is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
