Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
