Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I am spending my child support on dildos
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
