yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
