I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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