the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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