look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Fuck me I smell like cheese
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
