not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
