If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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