hell yes lets make some ravioli
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
