why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
