Got a toothbrush?
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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