So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
