So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
