she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Never let your siblings swipe right.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
