Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Randomize
