It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
