Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
